Monkeys with Guns! Cannot Come Soon Enough


Yeah. I want to be that guy. APES AREN'T MONKEYS.

Here's why you and everyone else should care: in this movie, only apes will have guns. What won't be in the movie? Emperor tamarins with guns, spectacled langurs with guns, red colobus monkeys with guns, tufted capuchins with guns, ... You get the idea. Why anyone would want to watch a movie without a single howler monkey with a gun in it is beyond me.
I am sure I saw one Monkees episode where they had guns. But I have had a few concussions, so who knows. What are you babbling about again?
Apes *are* monkeys, just not vice versa.

Of course, that means that we are monkeys too.…
Todd, as I said on the other thread where you mistakenly commented on ape-monkeys, I found other sites which seem to refute your statement.

We all know that evolution is like a tree with branches. Monkeys and apes are distinct branches coming off of an earlier branch, which is not referred to as "monkeys", and therefore apes are not monkeys, but a distinct group that exists parallel to monkeys.

Whoever made your site seems to think that evolution is like concentric circles or nesting dolls, which is silliness.
OF COURSE we're monkeys, todd -- just a quick look at the last couple of weeks' worth of I,A entries and comments proves as much.....incontrovertibly.

rape, purposely not wiping one's ass, incestuous toilet-seat sex, detailed recipes for producing mushy orange poop, urban squirrel hunting, cocaine-induced anal-fingering.....

the problem with evolution is that it proceeds so goddamn ssssssllllllllllllllllooooooooowwwwwwwwllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyy.
I bet in his other hand he's holding a banana.

Monkeys love bananas.
These POTA remakes are garbage. Give me Roddy McDowall or give me death!

@TM Actually, it would be more accurate to say that all apes and monkeys are primates. And if a primate has a tail, it's a monkey and if it doesn't, it's an ape/human.

P.S. Embryonic tails and tailbones don't count; that's merely a vestigial trait.
Look, the dude's a natural history curator at the Horniman Museum in London (which by the way may be the coolest museum name ever), so who am I gonna believe, Chundy, you or him?
Todd, in researching this very important issue I found lots of lofty sounding mofos who disagreed on this issue. There seems to be some argument among said lofty sounding mofos.
I choose to accept the Horniman Museum as representing the gold standard of biological definition (thus embracing my monkeyness).
Next year, instead of HUMP, the Merc should host an amateur monkeys with guns film festival. Just one condition: all submissions must feature real live monkeys carrying real live guns loaded with real live ammunition. What could possibly go wrong?

And you can even allow submissions featuring apes -- even though APES AREN'T MONKEYS -- just so Erik's butt won't get hurt.