I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan
Originally published June 7, 2007:
I am 33 and my sister is 40. We are only half brother and half sister, as we have different fathers. A week ago, my sister was massaging my back. Then she started rubbing her hands over my chest from behind. I thought, "Um, okay, no big deal." Then she started giving me little kisses on my neck. Then she kissed me on the mouth. No big deal, right? Brothers and sisters sometimes do that. But THIS time she French-kissed me.
Growing up, I heard, "Your sister is hot, blah, blah, blah," from my friends. But I never looked at my sister that way. After we kissed, she pulled back and said, "This isn't right; we're not in fuckin' Kentucky." I've talked to her a few times on the phone since that night. She keeps bringing up what happened and saying it's not right. I told her I agreed, it wasn't right.
But I liked it, Dan. Am I some sick fuck? Are we both sick fucks? I have no idea if anything will happen again. But I know my sister. A bit of her history: married and divorced three times, three kids, all raised by their fathers. She's also an alcoholic: Could that have something to do with this?
Fucked Right Up In The Southwest
My response after the jump...
Alcohol: deadlier than cocaine and Ecstasy—and mescaline, roofies, peyote, and pot (which has no lethal dose)—and it'll make your half sister stick her tongue in your mouth. Eesh.
Okay, FRUITS, the reason your sister keeps calling to say, "It's not right," is because she's waiting for you to say, "I know it ain't right, Sis, but let's do it anyway." She wants you and she's using reverse seduce-ology to get you. ("Eww! Gross!" "Yeah, gross!" "Yeah... pretty gross." "But kind of hot for something so gross, huh?" "Yeah... do you wanna try it? I mean, just to see how gross it is?")
If it were possible for you to have sex with the half of your half sister that you aren't related to—the back half, maybe, or the top half—you might get my unambiguous, if slightly nauseated, blessing. But as that's not possible, FRUITS, I'm going to urge you to deflect your sister's clumsy attempts at reverse seduce-ology—and for you to encourage her to smoke pot instead.