GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! It's like having a dream, where nobody has a heart. It's like having it all, and watching it fall apart. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Obama's nominee for Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel came into his Senate confirmation hearing today with guns blazing (metaphorically), insisting that America should take an aggressive stance in world conflicts, while also supporting gays and women in the military.

That Alabama gun nut who jumped aboard a school bus, killed the driver and kidnapped a 5-year-old boy remains in his gun nut bunker with his captive for the second day in a row.

A man allegedly walked into a Phoenix workplace yesterday and killed one, wounded another, before shooting himself—apparently all over a botched cubicle order.

Walmart is rationing out ammo to panicky gun nuts—but of course, not for the right reasons.

One of the owners of the burned Brazilian nightclub where 235 concert-goers died, has tried to commit suicide while in custody.

Syria vows a "surprise" attack after Israeli jets allegedly bombed a convoy near the Lebanese border, which was said to be carrying weapons to be delivered to Hezbollah.

Football legend Dan Marino admitted to having a "love child" with a CBS production assistant back in 2005—while still married to his wife. OHHH, YOU HETEROSEXUALS.

In other football players are stupid news: Superbowl bound cornerback Chris Culliver of the San Francisco 49ers was quoted as saying he would not welcome any gay people on his team. OHHH, YOU HETEROSEXUALS.

The man who created the hoax that fooled Manti Te'o claims he is a "recovering homosexual" who was in love with the football star. OHHH, YOU "HETEROSEXUALS."

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Brief showers this morning turns to clouds, which will then turn to sun by the weekend.

And finally, don't forget to join me tonight at CHAD Chats (Jack London Bar, 8:30 pm) for my lecture entitled, "Why Murdering Robots and Monkeys Today Will Save the Future of Tomorrow Then!" (What follows is a perfect example of why robots should be murdered—and in the most possibly cruel way.)