Meet Kai (straight out of Dogtown!) who is the most hilarious, deadly surfer dude/hitchhiker you will ever meet. Listen to his totally insane description of taking his ax and "smash, smash, SUH-MASHing" the head of an alleged rapist who nearly went on a Jesus-fueled killing spree, and... okay, this is far too complicated to explain. Just listen to the story, and then delete every news site you have bookmarked, because this is the greatest news story you will ever hear and there's no need to listen to or read anything else. HUMANITY HAS REACHED ITS APEX!!

UPDATE: This video has either been blocked or "smash, smash, SUH-MASHED" with an ax. Watch it here! (Thanks, commenters!)