If you haven't already, be sure to read this week's Portland as Fuck in the Mercury, written by well-regarded bon vivant/raconteur Ian Karmel. In this week's edition, titled "School," Ian bemoans how his college education has nearly ruined him financially.

Maybe my parents should have stopped me, but I was always a smart kid and college was only ever a "when" and never ever an "if." I wanted to go to college, they wanted me to go to college, and I said all the kind of responsible-sounding platitudes that you're supposed to say to demonstrate that you understand the burden you're assuming—but I was a kid, infatuated with appearing independent, and possessing almost none of the abilities to actually BE independent. So I went to college, where they tell you to find something that interests you and pursue it—well guess what, Portland State University, I was a fucking teenager. I was interested in Madden, sleep, porn, and quesadillas.

How about these colleges take some of that tuition money and hire somebody who's job it is to say, "Hey, you're taking a fuckload of classes about puppets. Stop it." I don't mean someone you can talk to, I mean someone who talks to you. How about you make it a requirement to figure out how the fuck you're going to use your ability to dissect Othello to help you get a job doing actual shit. That class had 30 people in it—are they all going to become theater professors? How is that class not a pyramid scheme?

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