GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I wish we'd move together, this time the bosses sued. But we're caught up in the wilderness and an ever changing mood. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Well, that day has come: The Post Office will discontinue delivering letters on Saturdays (except for packages). But I must have that pile of worthless food and coupon circulars!

John O. Brennan—our nation's counterterrorism architect—is Obama's nominee for CIA chief... but will have to answer a few awkward questions about drone attacks first.

Meanwhile Obama picks an REI (yes, that REI) executive to lead the Department of the Interior—though I doubt she'll have to answer for any drone attacks. However, why are polar fleece vests so expensive?!?

The Boy Scouts of America are delaying their decision to allow gay members until May... because THEY ARE FREAKING OUT.

A whopping 8.0 quake rocks the Solomon Islands (close to Papua New Guinea... which is off the coast of Australia... go to college!).

Six Spanish tourists were raped in Acapulco by a group of gun-toting thugs—though one of the women in the group was spared, because she was Mexican.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visits Cairo, and gets a bunch of shoes thrown at him for his trouble.

More info on the Alabama gun nut that held that 5-year-old in an underground bunker: He was rigging it with explosives, and shot at the agents trying to rescue the boy.

Duke University students protest a "racist rager" in which a frat throws a not very nice Asian-themed party.

According to scientists, an asteroid will narrowly miss Earth on February 15—unless they're wrong, of course, and it hits and kills us.

Locally, the Portland Police soap opera continues to get nastier—a police lieutenant is filing a harassment suit against Captain Mark Kruger... who you may recall as the officer who was never fired for erecting a tribute to Nazi soldiers in a park. (He just keeps earning his paycheck, doesn't he?) We'll have more details in this week's Mercury... coming to a newsstand near you today!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showers increase today and tomorrow, but expect a dry, warmer weekend ahead!

And finally, muzzle your noisy dog AND make him look like a stupid fucking duck with the most humiliating puppy accessory yet—the "Quack." Only $22.50. (Once again, thanks Japan.)