Hecklevision: Con Air is a mere three days away. Holy shit! Tickets for the greatest night of your life are on sale now for the cheap, cheap, cheap price of eight dollars... but if that's too spendy for you? Well, Tightwad O'Stingy, you can get in for a mere five bucks—provided you dress up like former U.S. Army Ranger Cameron Poe! Yes, this discount was my idea, and you're welcome, and it was not at all related to the fact that I'm hoping to see at least one beautiful woman dressed up as a "Sexy Former U.S. Army Ranger Cameron Poe." From today's Mercury:


Again: You're welcome. See you Saturday, sexy former U.S. Army Ranger Cameron Poes!