TONIGHT! On the 11 o'clock Action Journalism News-Blast! A high school teenager... LICKING A PLATE OF MASHED POTATOES?? How could this have happened?? WHAT are the authorities doing about it?? And what if it HAPPENS TO YOU? Tonight, the 11 O'Clock Action Journalism "We're in Your Corner and We're Going to Fuck Some Shit Up" News Team are on the case and are now bringing you this terrifying and absolutely necessary report!

(Brought to you by... Facebook! KFC! And? Mashed Potatoes—they're not just for licking anymore!)