Heartless Heathers jammer Mel Mangles aims to sneak by a complex High Rollers sandwiching of her teammate Tatty Munster.
  • Masonite Burn (AKA Sharkey)
  • Heartless Heathers jammer Mel Mangles aims to sneak by a complex High Rollers sandwiching of her teammate Tatty Munster.

Lots of sparkly things happening in roller derby lately. Let's do a breakity breakdown! In women's flat track news, the Rose City Rollers had a busy weekend on February 22-24. Crowd favorites the Guns N Rollers took down Salem's 8-Wheel Assassins in a fundraising bout. Was it a blowout? Yeah, kinda. FINAL: Guns N Rollers 240, Salem 103. But fun! Seriously fun. Then Saturday on the home-team season front, there was a phenom duke-out between the Heartless Heathers and the High Rollers. It literally came down to the last jam, after the High Rollers lost their long-standing lead to the Heathers, then gained it back for the last-minute win (FINAL: High Rollers 171, Heartless Heathers 168). It was truly a battle of penalties, penalties, and more god-forsaken penalties. But even blood on the track from High Rollers' Minstrel Psycho's liberated fingernail couldn't keep the gals from hitting the snot out of each other. So I guess it kind of a nail-biter, er, they fought tooth-and-nail? Ugh. I'll keep my wordplay to myself.

Junior derby: I didn't catch the Rose City Rollers junior league match-ups on February 24, but the Rosebuds will be back at the Hangar on Sunday, March 24, for a brawl with the I-5 Rollergirls outta Seattle. Apparently their last game on March 3 was epic, and the Rosebuds will be chomping to beat those I-5 gals after suffering a narrow loss to them. You won't see hide nor dyed-pink hair of the Rosebuds after that until June.

Meanwhile in men's roller derby: The merby is strong with the Portland Men's Roller Derby who have partnered with the men's league from Springfield/Eugene to give you extra roller derby bouts this season. They kick off their season opener on March 29. But if you want a taste of what's to come—dudes on skates—check out their sure-to-be-fantastic game against the women's all-star team, the Wheels of Justice, on Friday, March 22, at the Hangar at Oaks Park.

And in "renegade" roller derby news: The bad girls (and occasional dudes) of the roller derby circuit are the skaters in Renegade Roller Derby. They're offshoots of the international flat-track governing body of roller derby and they go by the old-school credo of playing with no rules (except, you know, don't be a huge asshole). They're the roller derby that throws elbow and starts fights. The brand-new upstart, Portland Renegade Roller Derby, is holding a fundraising night on Thursday, March 21, out at Gresham's Skate World, but no word yet on their first bout.

Looks like you can pretty much attend a roller-skating event of some kind from now into eternity, if you so choose.