Heavy is the head that wears the funny hat.
  • Heavy is the head that wears the funny hat.
I can't help but feeling let down now that there's a pope again. Yeah, yeah, Latin American. That's fun. But... he's just such a pope now.

Even the Catholics I know (and I know a lot. My whole family is Catholic, although I was never confirmed, meaning I remain only a Catholic rumor) aren't particularly excited about the Beef Pope.

It's not his fault. No pope would have been exciting enough. Even if he was chosen from the St. Louis Cardinals, even if he took a shit in the woods, even if we somehow reincarnated Knut the polar bear and gave him a pope hat, he would still be boring after a couple days. Okay, all three of those would be pretty good. But any actual pope was bound to disappoint because popedom just isn't as exciting as the idea of popedom.

The last pope was even boring on Twitter and he was a Nazi. If Nazi + Twitter can't keep the general public's interest, it's time to give up.

On the other hand, not having a pope was super fun. All the pomp and nonsense of a gathering of befunnyhatted gentlemen was great TV. Secret societies are fun. Smoke signals, it turns out, are super fun. And for the Catholic church, this was some of the least negative press coverage they've gotten in the last decade. DRAW IT OUT A LITTLE, CATHOLICS! Give us at least a week of black smoke and pope memes.

But alas, just like the Royal Wedding, the show is over and now it's time to not care about the pope again until he has a baby. So never.