GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Bangkok, Oriental setting, and the city don't know what the city is getting. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

A court in India refuses a patent for a Swiss maker of cancer drugs, thereby giving poor people across the globe continued access to generic drugs. HA! Screw you, Swiss rich!

South Korea girds up for battle, promising to deliver a strong, swift response to any North Korean shenanigans.

While an American soldier played with a group of Afghan children, a local teen walked up and killed him by stabbing him in the neck.

Prosecution is pushing for the death penalty for Colorado "Dark Knight" shooter James Holmes. Condemn or allow?

A couple who were reportedly kidnapped in NYC, apparently WEREN'T, because it was actually just all part of a big, hilarious birthday surprise. Ummm... SURPRISE?

A man is beaten and a woman is raped aboard a Rio de Janeiro tourist bus—and I'm sorry to say this wasn't part of a big birthday hoax.

Glee star Cory Monteith (that's "Finn" for those of you who watch the show and should be ashamed of yourselves) checks himself into rehab.

An Oregon hiker is rescued after six days of being stranded and injured on Mount Hood.

The sex offender clinic that was run out of Sellwood has found a new office—RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR HOUSE. (April Fools! Unless of course your house is on SE Stark, in which case, I'm telling the truth.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Some mostly sunny days (though not as awesome as yesterday) with highs in the mid-to-upper 60s through Wednesday!

And finally, a 94-year-old vs. a 95-year-old in a very exciting (and cute) race to the finish line. Before you start the video... WHO YA GOT?!?