The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day are things of beauty. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is not very good. Terminator: Salvation is even worse. But wait! Come back! Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was a fucking awesome TV show that was canceled far, far too early; even typing its name makes me sad for what could have been.

BUT EVERYTHING IS STILL OKAY! Because it turns out that this week is the best week in history if you are a Terminator fan and live in Portland and like beer! Check out these events:

TONIGHT! TERMINATOR NIGHT! At 7:30 pm at Ground Kontrol (511 NW Couch) there will be Terminator trivia ("hosted by Terminator superfans Nic Goans and Matt Cummins," two gentlemen who I have not heard of, so I cannot vouch for their credentials, but I shall give them the benefit of the doubt), followed by a Terminator costume contest at 9 pm. And from 5-8 pm, there's a T2 Pinball Challenge, leading up to a tournament later tonight for the best T2 pinball players. Plus, Ground Kontrol will be serving Lompoc Brewing's Brave New Brew IPA.

FRIDAY NIGHT! TERMINATOR DOUBLE FEATURE! At the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy) at 7:30 pm, they'll be playing The Terminator, followed at 9:30 by Terminator 2. Both films are on 35mm, and the theater will also be offering up the "specially brewed Ryes of the Machines IPA from Lompoc." There will also be "seven other sci-fi inspired IPAs," from the Prime Directive IPA to the Gallifrey IPA. If you just realized you can't make it to the double feature, jesus, just stop hyperventilating and settle down for a second—both Terminator and T2 will be playing separately through Thursday, June 20.

So go forth, readers, and do some Terminator-y stuff and drink some beer, and remember that there's no fate but what we make. And you're lucky I have plans tonight, because I'm pretty sure I could beat all of you at Terminator trivia. And don't even get me started on how awesome my Sarah Connor costume is.