• ONLY GOD FORGIVES "It's all been downhill since I starred in Young Hercules."

ONLY GOD FORGIVES Nicolas Winding Refn returns with a remarkably brutal follow-up to Drive. I kind of liked it, with a few big reservations, but I... I think chances are very good that no one else on the planet will like it very much at all? Sorry, everybody who wanted Drive 2: Free Love Freeway! 

THE CONJURING Marjorie says it's a big bag of clichés that you still might find scary! If you're okay with clichés? Which might the case if you like horror movies? NOW LET'S GET CONJURIN'!

ICEBERG SLIM: PORTRAIT OF A PIMP Dirk does not care for how this film deals with some fairly important issues. He also does not care for that dumb pimp costume you wore to that dumb party in 1993.

R.I.P.D. We'll have a review of this on Monday. (The press screening wasn't until last night, which was both past our press time and at the same time that everyone who works for the Mercury was getting drunk in Laurelhurst Park. Sorry, Ryan Reynolds! We have priorities.)

RED 2 Steve calls it "fantasy porn for the AARP." It will probably make an insane amount of money, because people in the AARP are the ones who got out while the getting was good! You don't see Hollywood making fantasy porn for millennials, because haha, like they have disposable income? In conclusion, beneath my placid exterior lies a roiling sea of class-based rage.

Moving on! There's more, as ever, in Film Shorts, and here are your Movie Times.