GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You're lookin' good shorty, good, sure 'nuff good enough for me! You're lookin' good shorty, good, sure 'nuff good enough for me! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Because they hate Americans and jobs, the GOP is launching a new offensive to gut as many of President Obama's economic recovery plans as possible. (Something tells me they really don't like his Obamacare. Did I mention they also want Americans to die?)

For some reason people are still interested in Anthony Weiner's sex life—and yet no one asks me anything about mine!

WAIT! I think... yes... NSA leaker Edward Snowden is beingreleased from the Moscow airport! Hurry! Pack your stuff! Don't forget your neck pillow!

HOLD ON. This just in... Hey, Edward Snowden! Are you still stuck in that Moscow airport? (Muffled response.) Oh. Okay. He says he's still there. Never mind.

The headmistress of an India school is arrested for allegedly poisoning the children's school lunches, killing 23.

A possible serial killer in Japan murders five people and allegedly leaves a haiku behind. Can someone write a haiku about that?

A boat filled with people possibly seeking asylum sinks off the coast of Indonesia, leaving four dead (of which two were children).

More water terror: A girl in Brazil is seconds away from being saved from drowning, when a shark attack kills her.

The Mercury's moratorium against royal baby news continues, and... oh, okay. Just one little peek! Sooooo CUTE!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: COLD AND RAINY!! Okay, fine, hot and sunny.

And finally, Mod Carousel (a Seattle boylesque troupe) puts their own spin on Robin Thicke's controversial "Blurred Lines" by switching all the genders in this hilarious and awesome video. NSFW-ish, but watch anyway.