I'm almost 30 so I've started to use phrases like "Kids these days." But I don't idealize my childhood like some people; I think Kids These Days are awesome. Sure, they might inadvertently spend $10k while playing Candy Crush on your iPad, but that doesn't make them spoiled. It makes them healthy, modern children.

In 3rd grade, we used to play this game called Butts Up. You threw a tennis ball against the wall and if you missed, you had to stand against the wall like you were getting arrested... while the others players took turns throwing tennis balls at your ass as hard as they could.

It's a game… with a punishment phase. I can't imagine why it never caught on as a pro sport.
And we played it AT SCHOOL. It didn't teach me "character." It taught me that I didn't have a great throwing arm, and that I wasn't ever going to be into S&M.

In 6th grade, still bored out of our minds waiting for Snapchat to be invented, we started playing "Bloody Knuckles." You spin a quarter and if you mess up—the punishment phase—the other person flicks the quarter at your knuckles as hard as they can. And you bleed. In the knuckle area. Hence the name. It was a brutal game and I played it all the time. Do Kids These Days still play Bloody Knuckles? Of course not. They've got pictures of their junk to text to each other and they're better off for it.

Violent playground games didn't turn us into better adults. As a modern adult, you're better off knowing how to stay entertained with just your phone than how to keep a quarter spinning. There are no adult games with a punishment phase. Yeah, if somebody beats you at beer pong, you drink more beer. Poor baby. If my friends invented that game as kids, it'd be called Kick In The Nuts Pong. You can figure out the rules.