Got a box of vibrators in the mail yesterday.

Four of them, actually, all from Trojan's new Vibrations line: There's two of the Tri-Phoria model, "perfect for... variety of sensations," and two of the smaller Pulse, "perfect for... precise stimulation."

Why did this happen? Other than that my workplace is a den of iniquity where future employment prospects go to die? Because on Tuesday, Sept 10, from 11 am-6 pm, Trojan will wheel their fleet of Trojan Vibrations Pleasure Carts ("modeled after traditional hot dog carts") to Pioneer Courthouse Square, where they will give away free vibrators.

When I first heard "free vibrator giveaway," I imagined, like, a crappy little gumball machine toy. Clitoral joy buzzers, is what I imagined. But Trojan's products are legit, if not exactly top of the line. (They retail for $39.99 and $29.99.) The big one comes with a few different screw-on tips, ranging from a disturbingly Lego-like hard plastic nub to a "flickering tip" that makes the whole thing look like a baby bottle. The small one looks like a silicone-topped microphone, and yes, Courtney immediately began singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" into hers. (It was a low point.) They're both exterior-use only; both offer multiple speeds and vibration patterns, and are designed in a familiar feminine hygiene color palette, i.e. "tampon colors"—you know, that suggestive purple that definitely has something to do with girls. Each vibrator comes with an "elegant satin pouch for discreet storage," a black bag that's lined with yet more purple and looks like a cloak for a tiny vampire.


As for the vibrators themselves... Well, they're entry level.

Which is exactly the point: Trojan is trying to "mainstream" vibrators, to make a product you could pick up at a drug store or a Fred Meyer, without ever having to set foot in a scary sex shop. (Reminder: Not every city has a She Bop.) Judging from the Amazon reviews, it's working.

Free Vibrator Day, Tues Sept 10, Pioneer Courthouse Square, 11 am-6 pm.