Is there anything more hopeful than a Saturday morning? I've got plans and schemes today, y'all. Achy schemes. And how better to arm oneself for Saturday's permutations than with knowledge? Break bread with me.

If I asked you to guess whether House Republicans acted rationally yesterday or dug a series of meaningless, pugnacious trenches in imagined service of a point, which would you pick? YOU'D BE RIGHT! They've voted to defund the Affordable Care Act in exchange for keeping government lights on, and are planning to vote on a measure that would delay the act's implementation for a year. Neither measure has a chance in the Senate, but there is a very real possibility the emerging standoff will play havoc with the financial markets.

Speaking of Obamacare, the Tribune's got a story on how Portland's substance abuse workers are bracing for impact as thousands qualify for subsidized treatment January 1. People are really worried about this. I'm skeptical it will be as bad/good as they imagine.

A good sign from Syria. It's so far toeing the line in an agreement it turn over its chemical weapons arsenal.

A gruesome attack at a Kenyan shopping center is being treated as a terrorist attack, with gunmen allegedly shouting for all Muslims to leave the building and opening fire on people they expected weren't Muslim. At least 22 are dead.

Pee high jinks in Bridgeport Village— the Portland metro region's fun-time capital! "The audience was watching the final minutes of the movie Prisoners, when a man stood up and urinated on a teenage boy sitting in the row in front of him. In the ensuing chaos, someone yelled 'gun,' according to investigators."

BRIDGE SHOCKER: The O's politifact team finds Columbia River Crossing advocates playing fast-and-loose with data.

Behold the mutable state of civic involvement in Cali. The New York Times reports the state, more and more, is allowing noncitizens to sit on juries, practice law and monitor polling places. Other states are following suit.

We're making eyes at Iran across the crowded gymnasium—man, that Bobby Vinton can swing— but Israel's still our best girl.

Turns out North Carolina is pretty lucky to even exist today. The US government almost took it out back in 1961.

You seen this? The NYT continues to press the boundaries of online storytelling. It's ambitious, impressive work.

I once lived with a girl—we were only roommates—who insisted on DVRing every episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight. It was a dark time, but not as dark as the times that have befallen the titular Jon.

And that's been Sunny Season 2013, y'all. Tip your waitstaff, finish those drinks, and for the love of god sheathe yourself in waterproof fabric.

I'll admit it: Some days I'll just throw any old video at the bottom of these things. It never feels great, but it happens. Today though? Today I'm bringing you guys the GOODS. And you're quite welcome.