GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Let's take some time to be alone, lock the door, pull out the phone, yeah. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

And right on cue, here comes the government shutdown. But instead of working madly to fix it, guess what the Republicans are doing? ASSIGNING BLAME FOR THE FUCKING MESS THEY'VE CAUSED.

At least most Americans agree with who is really to blame, according to a new poll.

While government agencies still bitch and moan about all the perceived "damage" caused by Edward Snowden's leaks, as it turns out? The intelligence agencies screwed themselves after last month's exposure of an al-Qaeda plot.

The director of the proposed CNN documentary about Hillary Clinton has dropped out because he believes Clinton's staff and supporters have pressured people not to talk to him. Or perhaps, you know, he's a shitty documentary maker.

Meanwhile a string of car bombings across Baghdad today killed at least 37 people and wounded 155.

And, oh, that's all we need: competition between violent, terrorist attack-planning Islamic militants.

Two former popes are scheduled to be made saints... because... "MAGIC!"

A typhoon causes three Chinese fishing boats to sink, leaving 74 people missing.

The Justice Department is suing the state of North Carolina for "alleged discrimination over tough new voting rules." In response, North Carolina spits out a wad of "tobackky" and asks "Maw" to "git their dad-blamed squirrel rifle."

Forty-eight people are sent to the hospital when two Chicago commuter trains collide this morning.

Today in "Man, that's WEIRD" news: Photos capture a Russian golden eagle murdering a deer. THAT'S WEIRD!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: ENOUGH WITH THE FREAKING RAIN ALREADY. (Oh, right after I wrote that, the sun just popped out. That was weird, too!)

And finally, FUNNY SNL THE OTHER NIGHT, GUYS! Here's host Tina Fey in my fave sketch, "Old Timey Used Car Salesman."