Knowing that there were no recent shootings or murder trials involving young white women, I foolishly thought that CNN might have something informative on the government shutdown. Instead, they had a story about how some WWII veterans had to move a partition out of the way to visit the WWII memorial, and a corresponding interview with U.S. Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa), who concluded that the barricading was "a White House decision."

Next, an interview with Jon Huntsman, who—surprise!—blames both parties. "We're the party of Lincoln, we're the party of Roosevelt, we're the party of Reagan," Huntsman concluded, along with some other meaningless slop. It doesn't really matter what Roosevelt he's referring to, as long as his message effectively confused the issue for more people. We'll never know, though, because CNN didn't bother to ask.

Next, an interview with District of Columbia Mayor Vincent C. Gray, about his absolutely audacious assertion that employees of the District of Columbia should be treated as state workers in the eyes of the government shutdown, and therefore be allowed to continue working.

Lastly, we turned to the truly oppressed: People whose weddings were displaced from National parks. Then I turned it off.