Stock up while you can, death-hoarding weirdos. The Food and Drug Administration issued a ruling this morning that will essentially eliminate delicious, delicious trans fats from our food products. They've been on the outs for years, but still wage war on your arteries from redoubts like microwave popcorn and frozen pizza and margarine.

It's not just the NSA, of course, carrying out all manner of dubious high-tech snooping throughout the world. Turns out the CIA kicks AT&T a cool $10 million every year for access to international call logs.

Meanwhile the vast surveillance by agencies throughout the developed world is a breach of European Union law, a new report says. I'm sure sanctions will be swift and severe.

Iran is months away from being able to produce a crude nuke (though, crucially, not launch it by missile). If a new round of talks betwixt the sanction-beleaguered nation and world superpowers go well, that won't happen.

Lot of people making a lot of money this morning. Twitter now belongs to you, the people (who can afford $45 a share). Captain Picard and a 9-year-old girl, vociferous foes of slavery, both,, rang the opening bell—presumably for non-Twitter-related reasons but who even knows anymore? Are capitalism and freedom fighting some sort of oxymoronic ouroboros these days?

Was Yasser Arafat poisoned? Swiss researchers rooting around the Palestinian leader's corpse eight years after his demise say: Quite possibly!

Speaking (kind of) about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, Secretary of State John Kerry has warned Israel's leaders fresh talks may be the final shot at peace before prolonged conflict and increasing international scorn. He also apparently sent his animate, wax museum doppelganger to deliver the message. Check out that photo.

TIMBERS NEWS, from Merc Soccer Correspondent Brian Gjurgevich: IT'S THE BIGGEST MATCH OF THE TIMBERS' MAJOR LEAGUE LIVES! Until the next one, of course. Oh, but to reach the semifinals of the MLS playoffs, Portland needs a draw (or win—a win would work!) tonight against their arch-rivals from Seattle. Jeld-Wen Field is sure to be completely nuts—so if you don't have a ticket (or cable), check back here around 8 for some High-Pitched Live-Blog Action!

The most important story you can read, following the election New York City's first Democratic mayor in decades: An analysis of his multi-racial family's hairstyles. ("The hair aesthetic of de Blasio’s family speaks to the political moment and the culture of New York, says Brooklyn-based writer and image activist Michaela Angela Davis, who calls Dante’s Afro his father’s 'most interesting surrogate.'") *frowning face*

Do you like Oregon's property tax system? One City Club of Portland committee does not.

Behold: BLOOD KING of the TYRANNOSAURS. (This story isn't nearly as amazing as its headline. Thanks for nothing, headline folks.)

It's raining super hard as I write this by a guttering fire. Nothing gold can stay, everybody.


Has anyone posted this yet? It pleases and bewilders me.