How many cell phones? Oh, just 5 billion. The latest Snowden leaks about the National Security Agency reveal another worldwide spying program, this time focused on tracking cell phone locations—giving spies the ability not only to know where phones are, but also to use that information to map relationships and gain other devious insights.

Stolen radioactive material in Mexico—a truck's worth of spent medical cobalt that could have been used for a "dirty" bomb—has been recovered a few dozen miles from where it was jacked. Good news for us, bad news for the thieves. Special cases shielding any would-be handlers the cobalt's radiation had been removed, exposing the thieves (who may not have realized what they were stealing) to certain death.

The new commie-pinko pope, Francis, keeps getting more awesome. Years ago, he once took work as a bouncer at a Buenos Aires nightclub.

How the shit is the federal minimum wage still stuck at $7.25 an hour? Fast food workers, who pretty much have been told to feel lucky they're even getting that much, are planning another wave of protests. They've finally gotten some support from President Barack Obama, who gave a speech yesterday about income inequality saying, he guesses, that a mere (and still paltry) $10.10 would be good.

The Dutch have begun giving jobs to alcoholics that pay in beer.

John Kerry, amid controversy over his breakthrough nuke deal with Iran, is having to kiss up to Israel a bit.

It may not work. A former Israeli security official is rattling sabres—suggesting Israel's so nervous by this new arrangement that it might have to give up on allowing even a tiny sliver of a Palestinian state.

Federal carbon taxes—anathema to conservatives and business lobby outfits—have already been built into the growth forecasts of several major energy companies, suggesting that those companies still see a way to make money in a greener future and won't be as liable to kick shit over climate-control policies.

Or maybe not. One corporate lobby group, ALEC—the people who seed little-watched and easily gerrymandered statehouses with arch-conservative clone bills—wants to start attacking people with the gumption to put up their own solar panels. It's one plank in a major anti-renewable-energy platform.

Somehow despite how awful everything is, all the time, the United States economy saw fit to grow by a robust 3.6 percent during the most recent quarter—far surpassing expectations. And that's without people spending buckets of money on gadgets and other nonsense. Consumer spending is as weak as it's been in years.

George H.W. Bush has the best socks. The socks, striped red and white, with the ex-president's face on them, were sent over by a kind citizen from Ontario, Canada. AREN'T CANADIANS THE NICEST?