BIKES—Your thighs are the best thighs, and it's important that people know. So check out Velo Cult's Second Annual Goldsprints Series, where you'll hop on a stationary fixie and go all out against an opponent while the masses drink and cheer. First person to hit a prescribed distance moves on to the next round, and the progress plays out on a giant projection screen. Trust us: It's fun. DVH
Velo Cult, 1969 NE 42nd, 6 pm (every Thursday through Feb 27), FREE

LECTURE—The infamous "Weird" Al Yankovic-affiliated collector of novelty recordings, Dr. Demento, has become something of a curio himself these days. He's in his 70s now, and his act—which started in 1970—is now in its fifth decade. But the good doctor, you may not know, cut his radio teeth at Reed College. Tonight he returns to tell his origin story. Over the weekend, he'll give lectures on punk music and mid-century comedy. DCT
Vollum Lecture Hall, 3203 SE Woodstock, 8 pm (through Sun), $5