I, FRANKENSTEIN This time around, Frankenstein is SEXY!
  • I, FRANKENSTEIN This time around, Frankenstein is SEXY!

They didn't screen I, Frankenstein for critics, but I spent part of my VERY VALUABLE WEEKEND and saw it for you guys. The things I do for you guys. THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU GUYS. I mean, yeah, I probably would've seen it anyway, but that's beside the point.

Stupid movies can be glorious things, but I, Frankenstein delivers inanity with such literal and figurative stone-facedness that it drains nearly all the fun from its insane premise: grumpy-but-sexy Frankenstein's Monster (Aaron Eckhart) gets adopted by Leonore, Queen of the Gargoyles (Miranda Otto), who, with her coterie of crouching, glowering, winged underlings, is waging a centuries-long war against Naberius (Bill Nighy), an evil demon and a proud member of the one percent. I, Frankenstein mostly consists of a flurry of CGI battles that take place in an unnamed, unpopulated city; presumably, all the non-gargoyle residents have moved away due to either the exploding demons or the heavy fog of dullness. Featuring entirely too many cues lifted from the Underworld movies, a series that miraculously managed to make a dreary affair out of watching Kate Beckinsale fight werewolves and vampires while wearing a skintight catsuit. I, HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

Your movie times for I, Frankenstein (and, fine, other movies too) are here.