The Walking Dead returned last night... annnnd not really a lot happened. So let's talk about last night's episode of Girls as well, ummm... BECAUSE! Lots of spoilery spoilers (and your incisive commentary) after the jump. So let's start CHITTY-CHATTING!

Ill be glad when youre dead, you rascal, you!
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "I'll be glad when you're dead, you rascal, you!"

So here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode of The Walking Dead "After," and Girls "Free Snacks."

1) Carl Jr. is a DICK! (I suspect you already knew this.) After the prison fell and the group got separated, Carl Jr. and a severely ass-whupped Ranger Rick set off on their own, and Carl is nothing but petulant—passive-aggressively walking too fast for the injured Rick and arguing about every decision, including how to clear a zombie house. LOOK, YOU LITTLE SHIT—Rick has been doing this since before you were a gleam in the milkman's eye!

2) Meanwhile on Girls, Hannah gets a job at GQ! (Yayyy!) In the "advertorial department." (Booooo.) Of course, Adam is too concerned about his floudering acting career to get too excited... but he's missing the most important perk of the GQ job: there's a freaking FREE SNACKS room. Filled with snacks! And they're free!! (All we have in the Mercury fridge is a 8-year-old bottle of Sriracha sauce and a 5-year-old box of leftover pad thai.)

3) Meanwhile, Michonne reverts back to her pre-prison days by dragging around a couple of zombie slaves, and having a freaky dream about her previous life. In the dream, Michonne, her baby son, boyfriend Mike, and friend Terry are happily lounging about in their fancy apartment—but slowly everything in the dream goes to shit, revealing that Mike and Terry are the ones who become her zombie slaves! YEEEK!

4) Meanwhile back in Brooklyn, Ray hooks up again with Marnie—who is obviously embarrassed to be seen with him—and we get to witness a very uncomfortable sex scene, which looks like two giant white worms wriggling on top of each other. YEEEK!

5) Meanwhile back in Georgia, Rick slips into a coma or something, which gives Carl Jr. the opportunity to utter a butt-clenching monologue in which he goes on and on about Rick's supposed crimes. (UGGH. TEENAGERS ARE THE WORST.) He then goes out to get food, gets dog-piled by three zombies and wastes a lot of bullets. Yeah, Carl Jr.... Nice "win."

6) Back at GQ, Hannah is the belle of the ball, and (almost) everybody likes her ideas. But! She suspects that her dream job is a Venus Flytrap for talent, and she'll never become the "real" writer she imagines herself to be. Also, Shoshanna gets fucked from behind by her dumb boyfriend.

7) Michonne is traveling with her zombie pets in a pack of walkers and has a freakout when she sees a biter who looks an awful lot like her. (I'M NOT SAYING ALL ZOMBIES LOOK ALIKE, SO NO MEAN TWEETS, PLEASE.) She cuts off everybody's head in sight.

8) Hannah walks into her boss' office and quits. And her boss is like, "whatever." This makes Hannah freak out, pull out her Katana sword and chop off everybody's head in sight. Wait. I'm getting confused. Actually, she decides she wants her job after all, and swears to write her great American novel when she gets home from work. But she falls asleep! HAHAHAHAAAAA! That's so unbelieva...zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

9) Full of piss and vinegar, Carl Jr. goes out on another food run, gets attacked AGAIN, and rewards himself with a can of pudding. BUT! When he returns, he thinks Ranger Rick has turned into a zombie, but can't bring himself to kill him. BOO-HOO-HOO, Carl Jr. finally realizes he's a dick, and that he actually needs his dad. In other good news? Michonne finds the boys and the happy (partial) family is finally reunited. HEY. I think everything is going to be A-OK! (Damn it... why did I have to think about baby Judith's bloody car seat???)

10) So! Both of those episodes were pretty snoozy... but what did YOU think? Please voice your kudos and concerns in the comments below, and I'll see you next week!

(Grumble, grumble.) I dont see why I cant get free snacks. (Grumble, grumble.)
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "(Grumble, grumble.) I don't see why I can't get free snacks. (Grumble, grumble.)"