The New York Daily News' "EXCLUSIVE" story reveals that clowns are worried about a "national clown shortage."

“What’s happening is attrition,” said Clowns of America International President Glen Kohlberger, who added that membership at the Florida-based organization has plummeted since 2006. “The older clowns are passing away.” (Via.)

The sad clowns note that getting the few children who aren't fucking terrified of them interested in a career of clowning can be difficult ("What happens is they go on to high school and college and clowning isn't cool anymore"), and that, even more shockingly, clowning is not a top-tier career ("American kids these days are thinking about different careers altogether... They’re thinking about everything other than clowning").

America is a place where everyone should feel welcome. On the other hand, the idea of our nation being clown-less seems like the closest thing to Utopia that any reasonable person could hope for.