GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Baby, can't you see? (See?) How these clothes are fitting on me? (Me?) And the heat coming from this beat? (Beat?) LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Russian dreamboat (sarcasm) Vladimir Putin orders ground troops to do "exercises"—i.e. "flex their muscles"—close to where thousands of Ukrainians are protesting. Because... oooh. Look at our big muscles!

A New York Times/CBS poll says pretty much what you already know: Democrats are favoring a Clinton run in 2016, while things are looking progressively worse for Chris Christie, thanks to a sharply divided GOP. (Heh, heh, heh.)

Another survey says that this is the first time in history that a majority of Americans support same-sex marriage—soooo... you might want to re-read and re-think your Bible, fundamentalist Christians.

Unfortunately, word hasn't gotten out to these idiots: Oklahoma lawyers strike back against a federal judge's ruling that overturned the state's ban on same-sex marriage, claiming that homosexuality ruins kids, and (gasp!) undermines society!! PANIC!!

The ex-boyfriend of accused murderer Amanda Knox has been staunchly pleading their innocence for the last six years—but now? He's starting to change his tune somewhat. Uggh. Exes are the WORST.

General Motors expands their recall of certain compact cars after 13 people have died due to a faulty ignition problem.

After months of silence, President Obama gets tough with Afghanistan, warning that the US will pull our troops unless they sign a bilateral security agreement.

Locally, the Portland African American Leadership Forum and the North/Northeast Business Association got together last night to discuss what to do with that vacant lot following the Trader Joe's debacle—some want to try to revive the deal.

Celebrity break-ups! To the surprise of no one, lothario Robin "Blurred Lines" Thicke has separated from his wife, while to the surprise of even fewer people, Katy Perry has split with dork John Mayer—AGAIN.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudy with sunbreaks today, on-and-off showers for the next few days.

And finally, French gays dancing in 5-inch high heels to the Spice Girls like A BOSS! Let's start this day in a fabulous way!