(For Part I in my "YOU'VE BEEN STERANKO'D!" series, in which I write about how I'm moderately obsessed with comic book creator Jim Steranko, go here.)

As have all reasonable people, I've long since given up on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Disney's blander-than-bland, duller-than-dull attempt to crank out some more of that Avengers money—this time doing so on the moaning beached whale of a cultural institution that is network television. But you know who hasn't given up on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., probably because he's contractually obligated not to? Comic book creator Jim Steranko, who's still recapping each interminable episode for The Hollywood Reporter! His most recent recap is one of my favorites:


Like most Agents of SHIELD viewers, I kept my fingers crossed that the glamazons touted for the fifteenth episode would blow my hair back like a Trojan Vibrations commercial or at least a Maxwell cassette ad. No such luck, Junior! (Via.)

But Steranko isn't just disappointed. He also has suggestions! AWESOME SUGGESTIONS.

Let me put it this way: We’ve seen all that sword-and-sandal action done better in the Lucy Lawless Xena series almost two decades ago and, while it may have a breath of novelty played against SHIELD’s high-tech ambience, the ol’ blade bit just isn’t compelling enough to cut it. Perhaps more exotic weaponry (such as a sword made of flame or an ax that sends its victims flamboyantly to Hell) may have helped. Even better would be warrior wenches brandishing explosively visual super powers, such as uncanny control of the weather or purple energy bolts from their eyes. (Via.)

Dear everyone involved in the writing of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Hire Jim Steranko. Not only did he already make a far more enjoyable version of your show, but his recaps of your show are better than the show itself. HIRE JIM STERANKO.