GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And if your girl could only see how you be calling me, getting fresh with me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Pro-Russian insurgents in Ukraine's Donetsk region voted on Sunday to declare their independence—aaaaand now want to suck off the teat of mother Russia. So much for "independence"!

A new video from Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram depicts roughly 100 of the 300 girls they kidnapped seated and praying in Arabic. According to this story, Boko Haram's leader has offered to exchange some of the girls for prisoners of his choosing.

Meanwhile absolutely terrible Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan refused help from the international community to find the girls for nearly a month—because he's the fucking worst.

The Libyan navy rescues 450 migrants on a rickety boat off their coastline trying to escape to Europe. (Last week, 4,000 migrants made it to Italy.)

You don't get many of these... a joyful happy day in Arkansas! (Same-sex couples are flocking around the statehouse to get the marriage licenses they'd been denied until the law was overturned last week.)

In what's thought to be gang-related shooting, a gunman wounds six (including a child) and kills one at a toddler's birthday party in California.

After openly gay new Rams player Michael Sam kissed his boyfriend on national TV, the homophobes took to Twitter, got their asses roundly smacked, and then cried like little babies that THEY were the ones being discriminated against. How'd that argument work out for ya, homophobes?

Clippers owner Donald Sterling tells CNN that he was "baited" into saying all those racist remarks—as if that's any kind of excuse.

A tough weekend in local sports, the Blazer fall to the Spurs AGAIN (read about it here), but at least the Timbers pull a draw against the Galaxy (read about that here).

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A gorgeous and HOT week with temps up to 81 today and getting hotter!

And finally... dancing bats!