Twitter users: You know how sometimes you follow friends and they go on long rants about TV shows that nobody should ever care about? And you know how you don't want to unfollow them because it feels too rude? Today is a very happy day for you: Twitter is enabling a mute function, so you'll be able to feel like a polite friend without clogging up your timeline with useless information.

Muting a user on Twitter means their Tweets and Retweets will no longer be visible in your home timeline, and you will no longer receive push or SMS notifications from that user. The muted user will still be able to fave, reply to, and retweet your Tweets; you just won’t see any of that activity in your timeline. The muted user will not know that you’ve muted them, and of course you can unmute at any time.

I can think of a few folks I'll have to mute during baseball season. Speaking of muting assholes on Twitter, I just started a Twitter list of potential 2016 presidential candidates and other prominent political types. You're welcome.

Non-Twitter users: God, Twitter is so stupid, isn't it? Who cares what you ate for lunch? It's all like, whatever happened to human interaction in real life? Doesn't anybody remember what eye contact was like? Why, just the other day, I looked around on the bus and everybody was Twittering on their phones and nobody was talking! It's outrageous, is what it is. Simply outrageous.