Shit, I've got so many movie trailers that I'm giving them away for free! Yes, yes, I know, I also got them for free, but maybe people would like you more if you stopped nitpicking every goddamn thing anyone says.

Where was I? Oh, right. Trailers! The newest film from Laika, James Franco and Seth Rogen trying to kill Kim Jong-un, and Michael Keaton dressing up as a giant bird. Same old, same old.

The Boxtrolls
The latest from Oregon animation studio Laika looks FANTASTIC. Inventive and adorable and beautiful.

The Interview
I wouldn't put it past the real-life James Franco to have an actual plan for assassinating Kim Jong-un. Just somewhere in his house, by his paintings of Herzog or something. Just as an art project. An art project that could turn deadly.

Hey, who am I to judge what your kid likes? The last time I talked with a kid it was 20 years ago, and that kid was me. (I was not impressed.) So maybe your kid likes Paddington! Good for your kid! Totally unrelated: I'm guessing the Venn diagram of kids who get beat up at school and kids who like Paddington is pretty telling.

Dumb and Dumber To
I am not ashamed to put, in writing, that I laughed out loud at this and that I will pay money to see this movie in a theater. Judge as thou wilt.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Man, 2005 me would have been so stoked about this. 2014 me is just staring at it, blankly, quietly.

If you had asked me to predict what the next film from Alejandro González Iñárritu (Babel, 21 Grams) would have looked like, I would not have guessed Birdman. Like, even if you gave me a bunch of hints. Or shouted "MICHAEL KEATON IN A BIRD-THEMED SUPERHERO COSTUME!" at me. I would have just stared at you, blankly, quietly.

In conclusion, I am pretty excited to see Birdman.