GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Every time your name was brought up, I would act all nonchalant in front of an audience. Like if you was just another shorty I put the naughty on. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Supremes deal another blow to cable and satellite cord cutters, ruling against network broadcast streaming company Aereo who's trying to deliver television content over the internet.

In better Supreme Court news, the justices unanimously rule that cops cannot snoop your cell phone without obtaining a search warrant first.

Military commanders yanked a high ranking Green Beret officer out of Afghanistan (who was apparently doing a very good job), because he fell in love with a Washington Post reporter. MOVIE RIGHTS DIBS! (Too late... called it.)

Vice President Joe Biden comes out swinging for the LGBTQs on a global scale, saying that gay rights take precedence over a nation's culture. BOOM.

Meanwhile President Obama comes out swinging for new moms, saying that the U.S. should offer paid maternity leave.

Meanwhile, House Speaker John Boehner is considering suing President Obama for pushing through his initiatives without congressional approval. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Right.

More Boko Haram kidnappings in Nigeria, as the terrorists nab more than 60 women and girls—some as young as three-years-old.

Six-time Republican Senator Thad Cochran squeaks out a run-off victory in Mississippi against a Tea Party member by appealing to... get this... black voters. (Has the world gone topsy-turvy??)

FIFA, the governing body for the World Cup, has started a disciplinary investigation into Uruguay striker Luis Suarez, a serial biter who took a chunk out of an Italian player yesterday. In Suarez' defense, his teeth are so large, they're bound to get in the way.

Character actor Eli Wallach—who you've seen in countless movies including The Magnificent Seven and The Good, The Bad, and the Uglyhas passed away at the ripe age of 98.

Okay Portland NIMBYs, you can relax—Google exec Kevin Rose is not, I repeat NOT going to tear down an old, cool house in order to put up a new, cool house. (Let's see... where can you direct your righteous rage next?)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Unnnngggghhh. Cool and showery all the way to late Sunday. Fuck that.

And finally, this is the way I'm going to greet every person who walks into my office today.