SCIENCECSI is bullshit. Watching CSI while sober is bullshit. You wanna learn how crime scenes are really reconstructed? You wanna feel less like David Caruso and more like Will Graham? OMSI Science Pub features real crime-scene walkthroughs from a real reconstructionist, without all the Laffy Taffy-level one-liners. Oh yeah, and there's beer. BOBBY ROBERTS
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 7 pm, $5

SCIENCE—Ridiculously charming and even more ridiculously brilliant, Neil deGrasse Tyson is doing his damnedest to fight the good fight against scientific illiteracy. This week, the host of Cosmos is coming to the Schnitz for two nights. Hear that? Put down your new-age crystals for two seconds and get ready to learn some goddamn science. ERIK HENRIKSEN
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, Tues Sept 16 & Wed Sept 17, 7:30 pm, $38.75-81.75, all ages