Every once in a while it's good to skim through your spam folder to see if you're missing anything important and to learn what new techniques spammers have developed. It was during one of these routine checks that I discovered my favorite spam tactic I've ever seen. It's the Eternal Sunshine trick, where the email starts by telling me that I already did something that I have no memory of. For example:

I got your voicemail yesterday about the stokc tip you want, sorry I couldnt pick up the phone

First, admire the use of "stokc" to try to evade capture by Gmail. If I thought this email was genuine I'd have to believe that this guy isn't great at spelling but is a genius at picking stokcs. Come on. He's a stokc broker. That's the one word he definitely needs to know.

But also admire the memory trick. He starts by telling me I left a voicemail with him even though I don't remember it. I wasn't convinced, but he went on.

sorry I couldnt pick up the phone I was on with the wife you know how she is.

Oh right! I have no memory of calling you, but yeah. I know how "the wife" is. That does sound like me.

you know how she is. But please next time don't call the house line, I would prefer if you come in to my office instead. In person is always better. Anyway your timing is impeccable you are very lucky. There's this insane little company…

I'm really starting to dislike the person I forgot I was. I'm my broker at home, which is rude, to ask for something illegal, and I'm doing it while he's on the phone with his wife (who isn't home, you know how she is). I'm a monster!

Frighteningly, he isn't my only friend I've forgotten about recently.

Hello brother! how are you? I remembered that you asked me where I buy my medication with 60% discount? there's a lot of drugs, including for us, mens :-)

I can't even remember the people I've asked about buying medication with a 60% discount. My life is out of control! Thank you so much for reminding me, Bro Spammer!

And thank god there are finally some drugs for us mens, right? Before, all drugs have just been for those womens but now we're finally equal! What's next? Sports that are just for mens??

hey, sweet boy ;) remember me from snapchat? :*
Whats up? Where have you been? Come on my profile, i am online now!
lets have sexy time, like before :*

I'm been having sexy time too? I am Tyler Durden!

Now if you excuse me, I've got a profile to go come on.

I've got hundreds more like this. It's like spammer best practices now. They must be at conferences drinking hotel coffee and listening to talks like "Massive Memory Loss and Gullibility in the American Mens". Now that is a smart conference. I only wish I could buy stokc in these people.