DEAR GOD, YOU GUYS: They rolled up PDX Carpet*, put fake eyeballs on it, and made it Grand Marshal of the Starlight Parade!
That's a real thing that happened today and you know now for sure that you live in the dorkiest city of all the land.
If you step back and just think objectively about what is happening here, it's marvelously bizarre. I feel like it's crossed a threshold. Also, we need more puppetry in civic life. Or do we?
*It's PDX Carpet now, BTW, like a proper name. Not "the carpet."