On Thursday night, Sarah Shapiro got home and lifted her tomcat, Grand Theft Auto, to find her hands covered in blood. After rushing him to Dove Lewis, she came back for her other, female cat, Alibi, who was also found to have abdominal wounds. Both cats required surgery, and Grand Theft Auto, at last report, is still in the hospital. The wounds appear to have been inflicted by a long, sharp object like a knife.

Shapiro lives in the Woodlawn neighborhood of NE Portland (and is the co-creator of the new Lifetime show UnREAL, which draws on her experience as a producer for The Bachelor and just got a nod of approval from The New Yorker). Woodlawn is close enough to my house that my usual running route goes through it—and way too close to my own cats, who are loving this weather and being able to go outside and cool off with a nice dirt nap under a shrub.

“These wounds were very unusual and unlike anything we typically see, even for cats that spend some of their time outdoors, like Grand Theft Auto and Alibi do,” says the vet who's treating both cats. “The severity of their wounds was not clear from the outside, but once we performed surgery we were concerned that they appeared to have been stabbed. Had they not been treated so quickly, both might have died.”

If you have cats, you should be keeping closer tabs on them until this mystery is resolved—I'm not gonna tell you what that means in your household, but probably no psychopaths can STAB THEM when they're inside. At the least, check them out to make sure they don't have any injuries. These cats' wounds were deep but there wasn't a lot to see from the outside. There's unfortunately no known witnesses to the crime, thus no shred of a description of the perp, but if we keep vigilant and spread the word, hopefully this sucker will get caught.

Even if you're not a cat person, a personality capable of using violence against defenseless animals is extremely dangerous to society as a whole. I hope we can take this fucker down.

Multnomah County Animal Services is investigating. Do call them at (503) 988-7387 if you have any tips, or have pets that turn up with similar injuries.

Grand Theft Auto, all stitched up.
  • Dove Lewis
  • Grand Theft Auto, all stitched up.