Every year for the past decade, the Portland Mercury has awarded one local species of animal the city's highest honor: Portland's Pet of the Year. It's a job we do not take lightly. We have countless meetings and endless bile-spewing arguments—all to decide which pet will rise above all others.

It's a big, and oftentimes, controversial decision. I remember back in 2009, when we awarded the corgi as the Mercury's Pet of the Year. Portland literally went insane.

"How the fuck could you choose that ugly-ass fucking dog as your 'Pet of the Year'?" one reader angrily wrote. "You Mercury people are GOD... DAMNED... IDIOTS!"

And yet? Eight months later, the corgi was chosen as Time magazine's "Pet of the Decade," as well as People magazine's "Sexiest Dog of 2009." Our decision vindicated, I personally visited that angry reader's home to hand deliver a gift-wrapped box. And inside? An empty Tupperware container.

"What am I supposed to do with that?" the still angry reader spat.

"You're supposed to put your teeth in it," I said, and POW!!! I punched him right in his big fat, fucking stupid mouth, sending 13 of his teeth skittering across the dirty linoleum floor.

Now, I told you that story to tell you this: There's no point arguing whether we're right or wrong about our choice for the 2015 Pet of the Year. Because we're right. And if you disagree? No problem. I have a Tupperware container with your name on it, too.

All that being said, the Portland Mercury is hereby thrilled (and for once, in enthusiastic agreement) to award the 11th annual "Portland Pet of the Year 2015" to...