So now you’re obsessed with Neko Atsume! Well, so is this New York Times writer:

The cats do not care. They have other lives, other places to be. What brings you back, again and again, is that these semiwild creatures have decided, temporarily, to share their existence with you. You cannot collect them, merely the memory of them, for existence is fleeting and nothing, save for ourselves, is ever entirely ours. —Ryan Bradley

I'll ignore the fact that Ryan Bradley and the NYT totally lifted this beat from the Mercury's already excellent coverage, because that sentence is fucking enlightening. We love Neko Atsume because it's a solipsistic reflection of our own lonely lives where we merely exist to collect memories to our metaphoric cat books and then we DIE. You guys, Neko Atsume is super deep.

CONTINUE READING>>>

Back to business. Since last week you've probably downloaded the game, saved for your yard expansion, spent countless hours debating weather or not to purchase the Tamari ball, and gone "SQQQQQUUUUUEEEEE" a whole bunch.

Now, you're sitting around, patiently waiting for these cheap-ass cats to give you some damn gold fish already! And don't even get you started on that fish exchange rate! 500 silver fish for 10 golden ones? What in the actual the fuck is that? INFLATION IS THE WORST.

For your sanity, here are some tips and tricks for getting as many cats on screen as possible for a photo op, gaining maximum gold fish without spending any actual dollars on the game, and, most importantly, how to recreate the Back to the Future: Part III train sequence with your cats! Whaaaattt?!?!?

Meowty McFly.
  • Meowty McFly.

Here's a few Neko Atsmue questions asked and answered:

How many fish would it cost to buy ALL of the goodies?

Not counting food and yard expansion, it would cost 16,890 silver fish and 1,072 gold fish to buy every goodie in the current game.

Why do all of my cats keep face-planting?

Because you're a bad pet owner.

**screaming**
  • **screaming**

Why is Saint Purrtrick's tail so weird?

Some mysteries will never be solved.

The fuck?
  • The fuck?

Support The Portland Mercury

Just remember to stay you motivated, my Neko Atsume brothers and sisters!

TRUTH BOMB.
  • TRUTH BOMB.

Tune in next week, when we discuss "winning" Neko Atsume, or as one of the commenters on my last blog explained it, "I got all the cats and now my life is meaningless."

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