Recently a very angry out-of-state conservative wrote to the Mercury and asked a very compelling question: “What’s your problem, Portland?” He was specifically asking about why Portlanders are so openly hostile to random fascists who come into town to threaten minorities and act like jerkholes—and so we all laughed and ignored him. But! His question did make us think: “Hey... what exactly is our problem?” While Portland does all sorts of amazing things correctly (progressive politics, bike lanes, adult soapbox derby races, ice cream), there are some areas where we definitely need some work. So the way we figured it, who better to tell you what you’re doing wrong than us—the practically perfect Portland Mercury! (Don’t hit us.) Don’t worry, we’ve also got plenty of great suggestions from our readers on how to improve Portland. So go on, Portlander! Tuck in to the Mercury’s “What’s Your Problem, Portland?” issue, and... well, do something about your problems, already! They’re annoying!
Yours in constructive criticism,
Wm. Steven Humphrey,
Editor in Chief