Dear boyfriend,
don't worry, it's not you, but it could be, even though I'm a ditzy barista. However, I have my shit together, have a plan, and manage to function like a normal adult. You, on the other hand, are completely controlled by your emotions, like a three year old. You spend your day on facebook. Believe me, I know how hard it is to tame your dark/lazy/depressed side, because I've DONE IT. You are a 35-year old man. You can fucking do it too. Lucky for you you're handsome and funny, or I wouldn't put up with you for another second.