Dear adult women at work,

Yes, we all have to clock in and out using the same time clock. Today you clocked out right before me, and when I put my hand on the time clock, I felt an icky gooey wetness. Was it snot? Saliva? No, you had slathered your hand an inch thick in hand sanitizer before clocking out, leaving a handprint of slimy goo for the next unsuspecting employee to touch. The hand sanitizer is for use after you come in contact with something germy, not before, you dummy!
The "ladies" room is even worse. I have seen cleaner horse barns. As I write this, there is blood smeared all over the front of one of the toilets and a little glob of human shit on the wall of the other stall. Now, I realize that we all have messy days, where the shit just flies out of our butts everywhichway, but how can you be so un-self-aware to not realize you have just bedecked the wall with your crap? Don't you turn around and look behind you as you are leaving to make sure you haven't accidentally misplaced some of your effluvia? And building services? When the bathrooms at the downtown public library and the Lloyd Center Mall are cleaner than yours, you know you have problems.