So you've just fallen while skateboarding, and note that your foot is grotesquely positioned under your own ass. Go home, ice your knee. Wait til the ER is less busy, then when you've told 3 people you've dislocated your knee, you can a) admit you're uninsured, b) get the hell outta there before your bill goes higher, or c) make soulful eye contact with someone who looks like they may give a shit. Wait 2 hours. After you've been treated like a drug-seeking blight on society (you ARE uninsured), go home.

Wait 4 weeks for the swelling to go down. When you can't take it anymore, have a few swigs of your beverage of choice (you alcoholics out there will know what to do), lie back with your feet toward the ceiling, noting how your foot points towards the wall, and allow gravity to bend the knee for the first time in weeks, manipulating and grinding the joint back into realignment. Cry out in pain, you big pussy.

Sleep for the first time in weeks, understanding that even though you've worked your whole life you're now an uninsured POS, not entitled to humane medical care, such as having a physician donate 10 minutes of precious time to relocating your knee for you.

Next week...So you think you can't perform your own appendectomy at home? Think again!!