Dear Sunday Brunch Patron,

I really want to apologize for disturbing you last weekend. There you were, trying to enjoy your morning meal and a relaxing read, and there I was at the next table, creating a ruckus that probably could have been heard outside. I am really, really, sorry.

Unfortunately, I cannot apologize for the other people there who were also not observing your desire for peace and tranquility, most of whom were wearing Green Bay Packers football jerseys. I also cannot apologize for the proprietors, who not only elected to put up a dozen HDTVs in their restaurant, but elected to turn them all on and put football on each and every one. To make matters worse, they fanned the flames by serving this crowd of ruffians beer and cocktails.

Yes, you dumb bitch, you gave me stink eye for cheering for my team on Sunday morning in a sports bar. Next Sunday, read your fucking poetry book in your car in the garage with the engine running.