Dear Joggers/Dog Walkers of the Springwater Corridor,

Put some fucking lights on it. Fuck, even a bird shaped reflector. They sell those. Stick that shit SOMEWHERE. On your ass, on your face, on your fucking shoes. If you go walking on an mostly UNLIT path, bring something I can see from a distance when I'm hauling ass toward you. I can't see shit when I'm staring down another cyclist heading in the opposite direction and they've decided the best way to be seen on a multi-use pathway where there are NO FUCKING CARS is to strap a fucking LIGHT HOUSE to the front of their bike and point it at my face. It's like everyone is driving with high beams on, shooting my night vision to hell. Their glare means I'm blind until two seconds after they pass. Two long ass seconds that mean I can RUN INTO YOU. I know. Simultaneously complaining about lights that are too bright while griping about joggers/walkers who don't wear any. Shits complicated. Deal with it.

Fellow cyclists: Point that shit at the ground. You don't need to fucking blind people with those LEDs until you're back on the ACTUAL road again.

Pedestrians: I will run your ass over. Put on a fucking safety vest/light/strap a cell phone with a flashlight app to your face if you want to get really Portlandia in this shit.