To my nearest and dearest thieving friends,

Guess what…. I spent more on my New Seasons turkey sandwich than on my $6.99 Netflix membership subscription. If I log onto my computer on a late Friday night one more time, to be greeted by the error message that states, “there are too many users on my Netflix account currently”, I’m going to rip my fucking face off. I too, am bored on a Friday night, and would like nothing more than to climb in to my cozy little bed with my stuffed animal Simby and watch an episode of Mad Men. When I finally decide to cut you off like a 30 year old whose living in their parents’ basement, don’t give me attitude, or relentless curiosity of the new password… because it ain’t gonna happen. Get off your ass, click a few buttons, throw your credit card info in there, and start your own movie life, mine’s taken. Aaaaannnd….scene!