The gym won't let me post signs in the locker room so here goes:
To the lady that stole my bag and purse out of my locker at the gym,
RETURN MY PURSE AND THERE WILL BE NO QUESTIONS ASKED! You can keep my phone (even though I only it in my possession TEN HOURS before you stole it). That brown leather purse you stole from me can not be replaced. My grandmother gave that to me last year, 5 months before she past away. I've already replaced my keys, replaced my cards, and f*ck me for buying such an expensive phone in the first place. But please, the next time you go in to pump iron or lay in the sauna, just drop my purse off in the locker room. Do it when no one is looking or the locker room is empty or leave it in a bathroom stall for all I care- Just leave it. Until then, I will continue to give to death glare to every woman that walks through my gym. Spare us all.

Sincerely,

MAChiavelli