Dear Pug Owners.
Allow me to preface this by saying that I am a dog lover. Cats are cool, bunnies are boring but fuzzy faced puppies will always melt my heart. Except for your stupid ugly pugs. The smooshie faced dogs have never been my favorite (with the exception of boxers) and I also dislike bulldogs and boston terriers. But the pugs in Portland are getting out of control. The snotty grunts and spastic energy stresses me the hell out. When I come to visit you at your home, I will kick your pug if he attempts to jump, hump or brown stamp me with his disgusting asshole that is ALWAYS on display. The bulgy eyes, grunting whines and constant eye contact with their anus is just too much for me to handle. And lately when I am out enjoying the beloved streets of my favorite city, PUGS ARE EVERYWHERE. I just don't get the appeal.
While it may not make sense to me why, my fellow Portlanders, that you insist on these hideously ugly animals, is of no relevance. We choose to reside in this fair town because we are free from needing or caring for others' understanding and acceptance. However, when i come to visit you, I will only ask you nicely once, to keep your ugly ass dog and his ever present butt hole THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!