You're lied to yourself, as well as everyone around you. Be who you really, for fuck's sake. You declare that you're "happy", but your dishonesty is killing your soul. You have so many secrets, ones you can't even tell yourself. Open the windows and say what you really want. Say it out loud so we can hear you.You're gay. Your family would not be surprised to hear you say that, and any woman who has been intimate with you would nod in remembrance and agreement. It was hard trying to be your lover, before I finally figured out that I could never be what you want sexually; why did you let me go on trying for months? I would have loved having you as a friend, a gay man who shares the interests that you and I do. I do miss that friendship. All I can say to you is what I said all along: Say what you really want, and be who you really are. And send my fucking books back.