Your "hair" person and I made fun of you when you left after getting your refit or upgrade - whatever you call it - for your toupÉ. We took turns putting your "new hair" on and pretending to be a fake-tan-body-builder-convertible-driving-guy like you. It was fun, I won't lie. But then I started feeling bad about it. You are young and very bald and that fact appears to drive you crazy, judging by all the compensation you are engaged in. Seriously, you should just shave it the rest of the way off, you have a well-shaped head. And to be honest, you can tell it's a rug from 10 feet away.