You've seen them. Those "fixies" with ramshackle, homemade, wooden crates attached to the front of them with no safety belt mechanisms to keep children (or pets) inside. "Hey kids! Here's an idea! Let's bond by putting you in mortal danger just so that I can carry you around on the front of my stupid bike at tire level alongside all of the bad drivers as we dodge pothole after pothole throughout the traveling circus-slash-obstacle course that is Portland!"

It's bad enough that we have to drive and ride so defensively in this town, but now we have to be on the lookout for low-flying children and toddlers, too?

Are you f8%!*ing kidding me!?