I get not taking a shower every single day, I really do. BUT, I know you can smell you. How can you not? I’ve walked past you twice now through the hall, and vomit wants to come hurling out of my mouth at record speed. You smell like garbage had sex with aged road kill, and yet you still smile every day.

I’m glad you’re a happy dude, and NOTHING seems to bother you, but have you ever wondered why people won’t stand so close to you? We work in the same building, and our suites share the same unisex bathroom, but when your co-worker walks into the restroom as I’ve seen you just leave, and he opens our office door covering his face asking me if we have anything that will take the sting out of his eyes, there’s certainly a problem. You’re missing out on a few things in life beside hygiene. You’re never going to Stem the Rose… Bud!